


Samwena | A Collection

by eurusholmmes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Samwena, Smut, The girls in my GC suggested I post some Samwena stuff so here you go... have some trash!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2020-09-06 06:09:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 19,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20286673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eurusholmmes/pseuds/eurusholmmes
Summary: "I'm a flawed, petty, evil creature Samuel. I don't know if I can be redeemed. But I have to try.""That's my boy."This collection is based off of Sam Winchester and Rowena Macleod from Supernatural. It's one shots, drabbles, the works. Written by @theboykingsam and @jaimeofoldstone on Twitter - and yes, we are taking requests.





	1. Samwena + Bruises

Sending Sam on a hunt guarantees that he’ll return with physical wounds, sure, but there are wounds that cut deeper then skin. Rowena knew something had happened when he and Castiel had returned to the Bunker carrying Dean’s unconscious form between them. No one spoke as Castiel gently took the older Winchester into his arms and disappeared down the hall that lead to the Infirmary.

“Sam?” Gentle fingers ghost over his own, slick with blood, before coming up to cup his elbow. Rowena has never seen him look so detached from the world. The thought of it - _Sam no longer in this world - _terrifies her to her very core. “Come, Samuel. Let’s go to your room. It’s more private.”

Sam follows her like a lost puppy until they’re secured inside his bedroom, and it takes her a moment to realize he’s staring at her rather intently. Hesitant. _Afraid. _Rowena knows that vulnerability has always been hard for him, as it has her, and they’ve been working on embracing their brokenness more when around each other. He loves her broken pieces, and she loves his.

It’s always been enough. She hopes it’ll still be enough.

Her heart aches to comfort him, but Sam talks when he wants to.

“They almost killed Dean.”

Ah, that. Even after losing Dean as many times as he had, Sam Winchester was still attached to his brother in a way she would’ve called unhealthy had it been any other person. Dean was _all _Sam had when he was a child, and to lose his only confidant and brother in blood and arms, would ruin him. Especially if something could be done to prevent it.

“Mhm. Keep going.”

So as she washes the blood of whatever todays monster had been from his hands, Rowena listens intently as Sam recants his story. They’d come close - _too close - _and the entire thing had left him so rattled he hadn’t said a word the entire way home. He was too busy tending to Dean and ensuring his pulse could still be felt underneath his fingers.

“I don’t know what I’d have done, Ro.” His head dips to his chest as she wrings the bloodstained rag out into the bowl of water at her side. “You, Cas, Jack and Dean.. You’re _all _I have left, and I’m not willing to lose that. Not now.”

Her eyes fall on a rather large bruise that’s blossomed over his cheekbone, courtesy of the coven he and Dean had faced. Rowena slowly stood to her feet and brought his head upward to meet her gaze before she leaned inward and brushed her lips across his cheekbone, over the bruise.

Sam’s breath catches in his throat at how _warm _she is. So warm and _alive _and the only woman who had an inkling of what he had been through at Lucifers hand. She was there when the nightmares had him screaming into the dead of night, he was there when she couldn’t face the outside world because her own trauma kept her from leaving the bed. She’s loved him as _him._

“Rowena-“

“You are not losing me anytime soon, Samuel.” The cool tone of her Scottish lilt coaxes him tolook into the eyes staring so intently back at him. There’s only one thing evident in the greens of her eyes: a deep, unconditional love. And Sam is _so _thankful. “I’m nearing four centuries of living, I’ve died twice, I think I’m rather content with being alive. Alive, right here, with you.”

Her laughter echoes through the room as Sam pulls her into his lap, smiling into a mirage of fiery auburn hair as his fingers dig into her sides and her hips buck beneath his hands.

“Alive sounds good to me.”

And right now, it _does._


	2. Samwena + Red Velvet Suits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Rowena have to go on a case, and Rowena found matching couples suits. Or.. The One Where They Wear Red Velvet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a ton of prompts coming from this GC I am a part of, but feel free to leave me something! Comments and ideas are love <3

Rowena has never had a more ridiculous idea in her life, or so Sam believed as he stood and looked at his attire in the mirror. Dean and Castiel had somehow managed to find the _one case _that required formal attire, and she’d been insistent that they matched so people knew they were married.

As if the giant ring on her finger wasn’t enough. 

“Sam! The gala starts in an hour, get yourself-“ Sam whipped around as Dean threw open the door to the bedroom he and Rowena had only begun to share as of recently, and what Sam was expecting was hysterical laughter. He got the opposite. “Woah.” 

“I know, I look ridiculous.” 

Rowena clucked her tongue as she stood beside her brother in law, and Sam watched both their heads tilt as they admired his side profile. He’d spent a considerable amount of time styling his hair until he’d given up and run his fingers through it repeatedly, parted so she could see the greens of his eyes. “He looks.. _ravishing, _don’t you think? Wouldn’t shut up about that outfit I wore when our wee boy defeated Michael.. so I went out and found the most form fitting one I could find.” Sam watched her pupils dilate beneath the low light of their bedroom and the slightest flick of her tongue against those _daring _ruby lips was.. tantalizing, for lack of a better word. “I could just eat him up.” 

“Well, I’d rather you not. I have virgin eyes.” Dean slipped his phone back into his pocket and tossed the keys to the Impala in the air to his brother. “You’re burning daylight here, folks. And no sex in my Baby!” 

Needless to say, the back seat of the Impala now consistently smells like jasmine. Dean likes to complain about how his car smells like women, but to Sam.. it reminds him of home, the woman he can come back to. 


	3. Jack + Sam: Sightless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set pre-S15. Jack isn’t sure how to deal with his newfound blindness.

They try everything. Rowena tries multiple spells and Sam digs mercilessly through the lore in hopes of finding something that can bring Jack’s sight back. 

They both come up empty handed, and the world waits with baited breath to see how the Nephilim reacts to his new reality without sight. 

Sam realizes that Jack seems to miss the sight of their happiness the most. The way Rowena would nuzzle his neck as they sat together in the library pouring over a new book she’d discovered, or the sound of laughter as Dean beat Charlie in pool. Bobby’s smile, Mary’s eyes. He mostly misses the things that made them a family. 

“Sam-“ His eyes shoot upward at the sound of Jacks voice, and Sam feels his chest constrict as the Nephilim carefully enters the kitchen. “Sam, I can’t see.” 

His only reply is the gentle embrace he then pulls Jack into, guilt seeping into his expression as he begins to weep. Warm tears stain his shirt, and Sam’s world crumbles beneath him. 

“I know bud. I know.”


	4. Rowena: Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowena deals with the aftermath of her confrontation with Death. Set post-Funeralia.

She wasn’t anticipating it coming on so fast. Lucifer had just returned to the world after having been believed to be trapped in the other one, and she’d just faced Death and lost. The Winchester brothers seemed oblivious to the crack slowly descending through her facade and into the open. 

Well... until Sam found her that night, long after his brother had returned home to Lebanon.

She’s kneeling in front of the fire, hands braced against her knees as the door to her room quietly opens. Rowena is too exhausted to care - the weariness seeps into her bones and infects her entire being - but the presence lingering behind her is warm and inviting and safe. She wants to bury herself in it and never come out.

“Rowena?”

Ah, Sam. Always Sam. He seems to be the only person insane enough to believe she can be redeemed even after all she’s done.

Her lips move, but no sound comes out. She can’t speak no matter how much she wants to. She can hear Sam’s feet padding against the carpet, but all she sees is the beast with the red eyes in the flicker of the fire. 

A scream builds in her throat, but before it can break, he wraps her up in his embrace and carries her over to the bed. When Sam nestles down in the sheets and her head tucks into that spot just beneath his chin, Rowena allows herself to break because he might be the only person alive who understands the maelstrom of emotion inside her head.

And just when Rowena thinks she’s submersed to deep to be rescued, his hand pulls her through to the surface, and she  _breathes_ .


	5. Samwena + Weechester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two dreaded lines are vertical on the pregnancy stick. Rowena wants to burn it and make sure Sam never sees. That's what she would've done before... but not now.

_The Start:_

The two dreaded lines glared up at her from where they stood vertical on the test. She'd taken at least four of them since she and Sam had come home from dinner at the Webster House. He'd been insistent on treating her for their six month wedding anniversary, but Rowena had _never _anticipated coming home to this. Coming home to the one thing she'd been dreading since Samuel Winchester had batted his pretty green eyes and somehow got her into his bed. 

Not like she was complaining.

"_Bollocks._" Rowena snarled as she hastily wiped away the tears that fell down her cheeks. She'd taken four pregnancy tests. All of them were positive. _You have a baby inside of you, Rowena Macleod-Winchester. __A baby. Are you going to be a good mother this time? _

All she could see were fragments of memories with Fergus in the years she'd been with him before the Trials had run her off and forced her to abandon her son. Her time with Crowley and how many times she'd tried to _murder _him. The hatred, the anger, the guilt. When she'd come back and the brothers had told her of his valiant sacrifice to save the both of them. Fragments of memories that held nothing but absolute _regret. _

"Rowena?" Castiel quietly rapped his knuckles against the door. He'd been searching for the redhead for the better part of half an hour, meandering through the halls of the bunker and searching nearly every room. She'd hidden herself well on purpose, and as soon as he saw her, he knew why. "Are you alright?" 

"_Cas-_" 

Cas entered the small bathroom and turned her away from the mirror, palms hovering over her stomach as golden light flickered against the walls. Rowena softened when she felt his breathing hitch and his eyes met hers in absolute awe. "You're pregnant." He whispered. The angels eyes brightened. "The babe is not far along, but it is progressing as it normally should. _Rowena-_" He wrapped his hands around her shoulders. "You are carrying Sam's baby." 

"She's _what?" _

Neither of them could turn around fast enough to catch the giant as he came tumbling down onto the floor. 

_The Middle: _

Sam reacted about as well as to be expected. When he finally awoke from his fainting spell and found his wife tending to him, the younger Winchester leapt upward and enveloped her in the most bone crushing hug she'd ever experienced in her centuries of life. She made no move to slip away from his embrace. Sam was _warm _and _safe _and he _loved _her. 

"Your hugs are spectacular, giant." 

He'd nuzzle her neck with the tip of his nose just to hear the laughter that never failed to break past her lips, leaving open mouthed kisses in his wake. Sam would do anything to hear her laughter. It always sounded so.. free. 

"You know what else is spectacular?" He ran the tip of his index finger along the bridge of her nose and lightly tapped the end before grinning widely. "_You." _

She hadn't felt spectacular once her sixth month hit and she felt _enormous. _Rowena had been tiny almost her entire life, even before the Coven, but being made fun of by Dean every waking moment was getting annoying even with Castiel and Jack coming to her defense. Sam never had to. They always jumped in before he could talk. The only entertainment she had being trapped in the bunker was watching the Nephilim prank Dean when he stepped just a bit too far. "Where-" Dean stomped through the bunker until he came upon the family room -- which stood across from the Fortress of Deanitude -- where Rowena and Jack were in the midst of a new episode for Doctor Who_._ Jack had become a sci-fi fanatic in his spare time."Where is my bacon?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dean." Jack replied, matter-of-factly. Rowena continued quietly munching as he twirled the remote in his hand. "I see _Mom's _bacon here, in her hand, where _Dad _put it after _he _cooked it. It's what she deserves after what you did to her hex bags." 

"If I hear you call Sam your _dad _one more time, or Rowena your _mom-"_

_"_What are you going to do, Dean?" Her thick Scottish lilt echoed in the large room as Jack helped her to her feet. "You've got a irritable, _pregnant _witch as a sister in law, a hunter, an angel and his nephilim all living in the same Bunker. You couldn't get _three feet _from me without being thrown across the room by your nephew." Dean cursed under his breath as she smiled - that contemptuous smile set aside only for him - before he stormed back out of the room towards the kitchen. Rowena turned her attention to her surrogate son who nestled into her side and turned his attention to her bump. 

"Is she moving? Sam said she likes to move more whenever he and I are around.." 

Rowena waited patiently as she rested her palm against the swell of her stomach. She and Sam had been digging through multiple baby books for at least _three _names to choose from as possible choices and had mostly come up empty. They'd settled for calling her _Weechester _until a solution presented itself. "She _loves _her big brother." She whispered, wincing as a tiny foot pressed against her palm. "C'mere Jack."

When Sam came in to the family-room, Jack had his ear pressed to Rowenas stomach, and his wife was crying as he talked to his baby sister. Rowena hadn't cried over something like this in.. well.. the entire time he'd known her. There was that time after Billie-

"Are those tears I see on my wife's face?" 

"Oh, shut _up_." She shot back. "Pregnancy has made me an emotional fool, I'm crying over my son talking to my daughter!" Rowena nestled into his side as he pressed the ghost of a kiss against her temple, brow furrowing as she inhaled sharply. "I lied. At night when she kicks me like I'm a bloody punching bag, she's _your _daughter." 

_The End, But Really The Beginning: _

"Mama! Mama, I am old!" 

"How old are you?" 

"I'm sixteen, I'm a _grandma!" _

Pink tutus and frilly skirts, red boots and bows littered the bedroom of one Catriona Winchester. Barely four years old, the fiery brunette with her mothers eyes and her fathers attitude had all the men in the Bunker wrapped around her little finger. She loved to play with her mothers hair - had a _real _fascination with it - and spent the greater majority of her time playing _Hunters Vs Supernatural _with her uncle and her big brother. 

Rowena had never loved someone more in her entire life. 

"Um.. _Mom.." _Rowena turned away from the spell she'd been assembling to face her six year old son, who still somehow managed to look more like an adult male then the child he actually was. Jack had stolen her heart from the moment she'd met him and Sam had worked with her to strengthen her relationship with the Nephilim, and now he relied on her for pretty much everything concerning _growing up. _"We have a problem. A large one." 

"Nothing is larger then-"

"Sam wanted Cat to trim his hair- She'd gotten so good with the butterfly knife Dean gave her that he thought she'd be ready to cut just a couple of inches off." 

Rowena smirked as she crushed the ingredients beneath the tool poised in her hand. She could already see where this was going. 

"Well boy, I can't do anything until you tell me the whole story-" 

Jack grabbed her hand and practically dragged her out of the kitchen and down the hall that lead to the garage where Sam and his daughter were sitting by the Impala, Sams hands frantically running through his hair as Catriona climbed higher on the car to get away from her hysterical father. "She cut his hair. She cut it _wrong_, and-" 

"It'll take months to grow back!" Sam whined. Rowena's eyes flickered from the clippers to her husband and up to her daughter, who was _grinning _at her. "Do you know how long it takes me to grow my hair, Ro?! You know why I never cut it!" 

"That is why you don't let your _four _year old daughter trim your hair, Samuel." Rowena tutted as she came to the side of the car and extended her arms to Catriona. "Just because she knows how to use a butterfly knife doesn't mean she's a master at cutting _anything. _Just Castiel's coat. He's still mad about it." 

"But he bought her ice cream after she realized he was mad!" 

"He doesn't stay mad _long._" That was also true. Cat got away with almost anything unless it caused physical or mental harm to one of her family members. She knew it and she used it to her advantage. "Catriona Esme Winchester, did you cut your father's hair?" 

"He-He asked me to!" She whined. Rowena clucked her tongue and wiggled her fingers to urge her daughter into her arms. "Uncle Dean said I was good with my knife, and Daddy said he thought I could do it!" 

"Well, what did we learn, my wee lass?" Both pairs of eyes flickered over to Sam who was staring at his reflection in utter horror. 

"Don't cut Daddy's hair." 

Rowena nodded and set her on the ground. "Good girl. Mum has some cookies in the jar on the counter, ask your brother to take you there while I fix your fathers hair. He'll never leave the bunker again if I don't." 

"Okay Mommy!" 

Jack gripped his sister's hand in his own and quietly said something under his breath, beaming as laughter burbled past her lips and echoed against the walls of the Bunker. Rowena turned her attention back to her husband and pressed her lips in a thin line as she examined her daughters damage - she'd somehow managed to cut a considerable amount of hair on the side of his head - but it was nothing that shorter hair couldn't fix. "I'll have quite a bit to cut off, Sam." 

"The damage is done. Maybe it's time for short hair." He extended his hand upward and handed her the scissors. "Put me out of my own misery." 

Turned out that Rowena was _extremely _turned on by Sam's short hair. She somehow managed to convince him to accompany the new hairstyle with a beard, which was even _better. _

"Do you regret having a family with me yet?" It was an innocent enough question. They'd been married for almost five years, had made a beautiful little girl and obtained everything they thought they'd never see. _A happy ending. _Rowena ran her hands over her sheer white satin nightgown and eyed Sam, who was sitting upright in their bed watching her very intently. "Sam?" 

"Why would you ask me that? Of _course _I do." Sam stood to his feet and crossed the gap to meet her. Her breath caught in her throat when he ran his hands up her sides, the pads of his fingers kneading the exposed flesh at the swell of her breast before he lifted her chin to look at her directly. "She's a rascal, our daughter.. but that's the thing, Ro." He settled his lips just at the spot she loved right beneath her ear and whispered, "_She's ours." _

"Well good," Hazel eyes widened as she lifted her hands and held up another pregnancy test. "Cause Weechester 2 is coming soon."


	6. First Time | Headcanons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soft Samwena head canons for their first time.

\- _everyone thinks that Sam is fiery in bed, rough and hot and passionate, but Rowena gets the exact opposite - _

_\- Rowena knows her brain is going to short circuit the minute that his thumb brushes across the juncture of where her shoulder meets her neck and lightly falls against her erratic pulse - _

_\- it's racing, why wouldn't it be - _

_\- "Samuel, I-" - _

_\- Her knees literally threaten to give out beneath her when his thumb comes and traces the seam of her lips - _

_\- AND THEN HIS TONGUE DRAGS ACROSS THE CRACKED FLESH OF HIS OWN IN THAT WAY THAT MAKES HER WANT TO TAKE HIM RIGHT THERE AND THEN - _

_\- But as always, Sam surprises her - _

_\- "We don't have to do anything you don't want to. There's no one else here." - _

_\- Only them. - _

_\- "Only us." - _

_\- His kiss is chaste at first, but when she reciprocates, it's like being enveloped in this eternal warmth she wants to be buried in forever - _

_\- Rowena figures out the first time that Sam **really **loves whenever she's in his arms, legs wrapped around his waist and chest pressed to his own - _

_\- And whenever her hair is in that ponytail that exposes her neck, he loves to take it out and watch it fall across her shoulders - _

_\- The sight is mesmerizing - _

_\- His kisses grow deeper and hotter and she really wants him to just consume her, consume her whole so Rowena can forget about the demons she's been fighting for four centuries _

_\- Sam is amazed at how calm she is throughout the entire ordeal, but he makes no move to stop her - _

_\- Rowena **loves **Sams chest - _

_\- Everything about him is glorious - _

_\- She's nearly naked to him when he leans forward and whispers, "You're beautiful, Ro." - _

_\- No one has ever told her that so softly, or told her that.. ever - _

_\- So of course she smiles and Sam is stunned and awed at the same time because her smile is gorgeous and she really needs to do it more - _

_\- Once the shirt goes, the rest of clothes follow like one long conga line across the bedroom floor - _

_\- And Rowena loves lingerie, that's a **fact **\- _

_\- Her entire night is whispered sweet nothings and sounds she didn't know were humanly possible - _

_\- There's some magic in there somewhere- _

_\- And quite honestly watching Sam come down from his orgasm is the best thing she's ever seen - _

_\- It's beautiful - _

_\- Sam makes breakfast in bed, he's the total package and she loves to watch him walk around in the morning basking in the afterglow - _

_\- He's coy, that one - _

_\- But she loves him anyway - _

[ **fin **] 


	7. Rowena + Laughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam didn't realize what his favorite sound was until he heard Rowena laugh for the first time. Now it's all he wants to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my way of coping after seeing the 15x03 promo.

Sam's always been a person who relied heavily on his senses. You had to as a hunter. The smell of a body, the sight of blood, the electrified taste in the air that came with tracking the monsters that went bump in the night. His life had never known anything but chaos and agony and _anguish.. _until he met Rowena Macleod. They'd had a rather rocky relationship at first, with her being the thing he hunted and him fighting every instinct in his body to keep himself from killing her. She was a witch, she was the _enemy. _

But ironically enough, she was also everything he'd been deprived of his entire life. 

He realizes his favorite sound the first time he hears Rowena laugh. It's such a rare thing, for her to be so happy. Sam was completely oblivious to the moments where she was _happy_, the ones where she smiled with her entire face or the sound of her laughter that usually came with Castiel's utter naivety. The angel and the witch had gotten along well since their SO's were Winchesters. 

The sound stops him in his tracks. There they are, the witch and the angel, both bent over the table in the library trembling with laughter. Sam doesn't know what has made them both laugh so hard, he didn't know Castiel really _could _laugh that hard, but the joy in the bunker is a welcome sight compared to the darkness they'd been buried in the last weeks since all hell had broken loose. 

Then Rowena lifts her head and flips her hair back, and the sight of her so _happy _takes his breath away. That's it, right there. The joy and the security and the warmth he'd been seeking in the very short-lived relationship with his mother is inside this tiny, centuries old witch who just wants to be redeemed, to be forgiven of her mistakes. 

Her eyes travel away from Castiel and to the man standing in the doorway. "Sam? What are you.. why are you looking at me like that?" Rowena isn't used to this, used to someone looking at her with such adoration that she squirms underneath his gaze. She'd spent so long believing that love was weakness, and then she realized that the one thing that made her stronger, made her a better person, was the love staring right back at her. He was in front of her. She should’ve realized it sooner. Then they would've had more time.

_But there's no time like the present._

Castiel watched the smile that spread across Sam's face as he moved around the table to bend down and press both his hands against Rowena's temples before pressing the ghost of a kiss against her brow. He watched as she sank, sank sank _sank _into his touch so far that her face was nearly buried in his side. 

"I love the sound of your laugh." He whispered so softly that she almost didn't hear it. "It's the best sound in the world." 

And to him, it is. 


	8. Samwena + Soft Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was written by @wandaswarlock on Twitter - Go give her a follow!

Thump, thump, thump. 

Steady, calm and soft, fluttering like a bird in the cage, Sam's heart underneath Rowena's hand. He's sleeping peacefully, lashes throwing a shadow onto his flushed cheeks, lips slightly parted and the witch has to fight herself to not lower her head and leave a gentle kiss. 

Maybe just one. 

Tiny one. 

Sam is a light sleeper and she _doesn't _want to wake up him up. He needs to rest. 

But the moment Rowena's lips touch Sam's, his eyelids move and his eyes open slowly. When Rowena straightens up, she lets out a huff of disappointment and Sam chuckles, raising his hand to cover hers which still rests on his chest. 

"Good morning." Rowena says, adoration evident in her voice. It's so unusual for her to allow herself to be so vulnerable, especially in front of someone. Sam is fully aware of this and does everything to make her feel as comfortable as possible with him. It's hard for him too, and she _knows _it. They're both trying, both working together to be better people. To be human, after everything. To _feel. _

And when Sam looks at her in her most vulnerable state - sleep in her eyes, wild hair and a gentle smile on her mouth - he thinks he has never felt more alive. 


	9. Sam + Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam thinks he's a monster, and maybe.. maybe he is. But maybe in being a monster, loving Rowena Macleod has taught him to be a little bit more human too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15x03 promo nonsense. I'm not kidding when I say this absolutely destroyed me when I watched it.

Monster.

A _monster. _

Who was he to define that term? 

Sam considered himself bathed in darkness. Born to die, infected with demon blood, the very opposite of the man he wanted to be. He had bred for war for as long as he can remember, the foot soldier meant to carry out his father's orders. Dean had been his right hand, and John had been his commander. He'd never known maternal love, had never known a warm bed and home cooked meals and Christmases and _joy. _

That had changed when he left the life to go to Stanford. Dean had been so mad at him that day, abandoned by his little brother to deal with their abusive father. Sam tried not to think about John taking his anger out on his brother while he was gone. John packed quite a punch, and each hit was another piece of Dean's armor broken, leaving more and more of his tortured soul exposed. 

Even when Jessica was around, Sam still thought of Dean. 

The life dragged him back kicking and screaming when their father disappeared. And then John died... and something was different. Dean was more distant, colder, more hostile... Sam knew it took time to process grief, but _why _was Dean not processing it? Why were they so similar, but so different all the same? 

Monster. 

A _monster. _

He'd always thought that the things they hunted were the monsters. Then he had to kill Madison. That made him a monster, didn't it? Killing the woman he loved after watching the first one be murdered before his very eyes? All the innocents who had been possessed and died because he and Dean couldn't save them? What then? How were they supposed to save the world again and again and _again _when they couldn't even save themselves? 

"_You're supposed to save people Sam... Why didn't you save me?" _

He thought of Sara, the girl who had died because of Crowley's arrogance. He thought of Eileen, torn to bits by hellhounds at the beck and call of Arthur Ketch. He thought of Rowena-

_Rowena. _

Rowena Macleod had been a royal thorn in his side from the very moment that she'd come into their lives. Arrogant, snide and every bit the mirror of The King of Hell, she'd been an enemy they used for their own convenience when a spell was needed or an expert caster was required for whatever they were trying to defeat at that given time. Rowena had proven herself useful time and time again, and Sam found himself oddly intrigued by this tiny five foot six red headed spitfire of a Scottish woman who could bring him to his knees with just a look. 

_Rowena. _

He'd been devastated the day Lucifer called him and said he'd burned her alive. He knew that pain, _knew _how horrified she must've been in her final moments. Sam tried not to think about it at night - Rowena in pain - but it seemed that was all his dreams were plagued with. Then she'd come back fiercer but softer all the same, wide green eyes desperate for some type of anchor in which she could find security. 

She'd found it in him when he'd given her the page from The Book of the Damned. 

"_I can't be helpless again._" 

Dean remained adamant that he was to forge no relationship with Rowena. Sam didn't care. She might've been the only person on the planet who didn't see him as a monster, who forgave him for his past mistakes and _realized _that not everything was their fault. That not everyone could be saved. They recognized the trauma in each other and tried to help each other through it. 

Hers, however, came to its peak when she tried to bargain with Death to save Crowley. Helpless and forced to comply to her demands, Sam remained bound in the chair watching the entire endeavor as this woman he'd come to love so _desperately _fell to her knees and begged Death to take her so she could be with her son. 

"_I'm a flawed, petty, evil creature Samuel. I don't know if I could be redeemed.. but I have to try." _

Sam doesn't know when he fell in love with Rowena Macleod, but as he's looking at her right now - weeping and open and _terrified - _He knows it then. He knows he'd do anything to keep her safe. To give her all the things she'd never been given, to live the days they _both _thought would never come. Because that's what they deserve, even if they're both monsters with years worth of regrets and guilt and shame. 

Happiness. 

"_Would you let the world die just so I can live?" _

He takes her face in his hands and slants his lips against hers. It's desperate and wet and _wanting _and honestly not what he'd been expecting from his first kiss with a woman who had once been his enemy, but she doesn't need to use words to convey what he means to her, and he doesn't have to say anything for her to know what she means to him. Rowena says it in the way her hands grip the nape of his neck just a little bit tighter, in the way she stands on her tiptoes on his feet because he's so tall it's the only way she'll reach him. Sam says it in every languid stroke, in the whisper of breath between kisses when they have to catch air or they'll both suffocate.

"_Yes." _

Sam Winchester is a monster, but maybe Rowena Macleod makes him just a little bit more human. 


	10. Samwena + Crying Kisses (15x03)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam hasn't kissed anyone in years, but here is Rowena Macleod: More vulnerable then he's ever seen her, fingers curled around his chin and looking at him with such a gaze of desperation, asking him to help her, that he thinks he should really.. really.. just kiss her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself for this. 15x03 speculation. I just want them to be happy!!!!

_Kiss her. _

Warm, trembling fingers are wrapped around his chin. He doesn't know how long they've been in this room or when it suddenly got so hard to breathe, but now Rowena is right there and she is _crying _and Sam's brain is short circuiting. He can barely comprehend his own thoughts let alone what she's saying to him, but if he reaches out he'll grasp her by the waist and won't be able to contain the overwhelming urge to show her that he loves her. 

Then he hears her question, "Will you let the world die just so I can live?_" _

_Yes. Yes I would. Yes I would because you've been through enough, you've lost enough, and I don't know how to do this life anymore without you being there. _

He's crying. That much he knows. She needs his help and she's actually asking him for something, and Sam is _sobbing _because he can't kill Rowena, he _can't_-

_Kiss her, you idiot. _

He might be the first person who has ever actually cried for her. She'd told him about both her deaths, the bare minimum of her past as the tanner's daughter.. it wasn't something she was proud of, just like the way she'd barely begun to raise Fergus before the Salem Trials had her abandon her son. She doesn't seem to know how to react to the fact that here is this man who is supposed to hate her, to kill her because she is the _enemy_, the epitome of everything he'd been raised to kill.. and _he _is crying for _her. _

_"_You have to let me go, Sam." Rowena wants him to kill her because he is the only person on the planet who can. Dean can't do it. Castiel can't do it. Belphegor can't even do it. "I can't do this by myself. No one else can do it for you. You have to let me _go._"

This is so wrong, this is so _wrong-_

"No." 

It comes out so much more forceful then he's anticipating, and the shock of his answer nearly sends her recoiling. Rowena doesn't move. Sam's hands have her planted in her place, fingers now wound around her hips while her hand continues to grip his chin. They're frozen in time, inside this mausoleum that will be a tomb to the love they've never got to have. Not until now anyway. 

"No?" 

"I'm not going to kill you, Rowena." He whispers. "I'm not going to kill you because I _can't." _She's watching him so intently through red-rimmed hazel eyes that he wants to fall to his knees and just take her into his arms, cradle her there and shield her from the world outside the mausoleum doors. "Jessica was it for me, or at least I thought she was. All I wanted to do was marry her and get out of the life for good. That didn't happen." 

_Because my dad died and Dean was alone and I couldn't leave Dean alone. _

Rowena is close enough to him now that he can feel the warmth even from underneath the pink dress she's wearing. Sam keeps talking anyway because she has to know, he has to tell her about this maelstrom of thought that has been waging war in his head for weeks. 

"I thought Madison would've been the last one. The last person I loved, and I ended up having to kill her." That wasn't a moment he was particularly proud of even all these years later, but it was a pivotal point in regards to how he treated his relationships with women now. He carried Madison's memory when he'd been talking to Eileen, and even now here with Rowena, Sam imagines she'd be pleased he's finally found someone who gets him. "For years, all I've had is Dean and Cas. I always thought that was enough, that they were _enough. _Then I met you."

His fingers trail beneath her eyes, tracking mascara across her cheekbones unintentionally. Despite the smeared makeup and the way her breath keeps catching, she still looks beautiful. 

"Why did meeting me change that?" 

"Because despite how obnoxious you were when we met," Rowena snorted as he smiled softly. "You challenged me. You challenged my thinking, challenged the way I looked at life and looked at hunting.. showed me that not everything I was taught was true. That not all ''monsters'' are _monsters. _You certainly aren't, and you never have been." 

The tears are starting again. "_Sam_-" 

Here it is. This is it. "Would I let the world die so you can live?" He wraps his entire arm around her waist and guides her to stand on his feet (because she really is that short and can barely reach his face from her normal height) "Yes. Yes I would. Because _you_, Rowena Macleod," He tilts her chin upward and tangles his fingers in her hair. "Have been through enough, have lost enough.. I will not take your life from you because _fate _does not _own _us.''

They're both crying again. 

"Sam," Her voice is hoarse, thick with tears as she stretches herself tall enough that she just barely meets his mouth, lips a half inch away from his own. "_Sam. _Please.." 

"What do you want Rowena?" 

Her tongue darts out to wet at cracked lips, hooded eyes flickering between his own and his mouth. "I want _you." _She breathes. "I want you and have _always _wanted you, Samuel. So please.. if you won't kill me, kiss me. A girl doesn't like to be kept waiting." 

There isn't really a way to describe that moment because the next thing Sam knows, he's engaged in the most intimate and yet searing, deep, _wanting _kiss he's ever experienced in his forty some years of life. Sam had half expected it to be messy to begin with - a clash of tongue and teeth and fight for control - because this isn't just a normal kiss. It's a kiss that conveys years worth of yearning and desperation and _love. _

But it's also a kiss of adoration because not only does he adore her, 

Rowena adores him too. 

"I love you." She remains silent as he pulls away just enough to place the ghost of a kiss on each of her eyelids. "I love you." They follow all around her face - cheeks, jaw, lips - and back up to her nose. "_I _love _you_, you infuriating woman. That's why I'll let the world die so you can live." He nuzzles his nose against her own and stares into awestruck greens across from him. "Because _I _love _you._" 

When Dean and Castiel find the pair of them later on that afternoon, Rowena is curled in Sams arms on the floor, the ingredients of their spell long forgotten, and the gentle lyrics of _Hey Jude _in a broken baritone hang in the air. 

_Remember to let her into your heart_

_So you can start to make it better_


	11. Samwena - It’s Me And Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is technically a sequel to the previous fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by @wandaswarlock on twitter - she’s basically providing you all with as much content as I am.

She looks different.

Softer, calmer and even smaller than she already is. She looks like a whole different person when she sits in lukewarm water, her knees pulled to her chest.

And when Sam finds her, his heart breaks. She looks divine, her face bare and her hair wet, curls at the end but the look in her eyes tells Sam one thing: _I'm scared._

Again.

Sam should be used to it by now. He kinda is. He knew it when she told him "I'm going to take a bathh.” in this quiet, almost sad voice that he barely heard. It usually takes Rowena an hour to bathe and do all the self-care stuff. But it's been almost two hours.

By now, tears have dried. She stares blankly at the tiled wall just above the faucet. Sam sighs inaudibly and takes few steps in her direction, trying not to startle her. Rowena moves, wipes her nose and then wraps her arms around her knees once again.

"Baby..." Sam kneels beside the tub, his hands slowly approaching her, touching her back and folded arms. "Rowena, look at me.”

And she does. Tears well up again but she swallows them, raises her chin and gives Sam the saddest smile ever and he can feel how his heart is bleeding at this point. There are a few seconds of silence but then, Rowena starts shaking, the sound of her teeth chattering echoing of the bathroom walls.

Sam moves quickly, grabs the biggest and the softest towel he can find in the cabinet above the washbasin and pulls Rowena out of the tub, immediately wrapping the towel around her small frame.

"I'm sorry, Sam.” She manages to whisper in the midst of trembling from the cold. "I'm so sorry.”

"There's nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart.” Sam squats in front of her, rests his hands on her knees. "We're in this together.” He gives her a reassuring smile, trying to lighten her mood.

Sam dries her off with a towel and then takes her smoothly into his arms, moving back to their shared bedroom. The hunter sits Rowena on the bed, towel still around her body and open drawers to take a t-shirt (that once belonged to him) and fresh underwear. Rowena manages to dress herself but goes numb again.

But she knows that Sam is patient. Sometimes it seems that he has the biggest amount of patience in the world.

Sam brushes her hair until it's damp, cleans up the bathroom and puts wet towels in the laundry basket. And when he comes back to Rowena, she asks him to hold her.

Like a baby, she weeps on his shoulder, her hands gripping his back so hard that Sam is sure he will have marks in the shape of half-moons. He doesn't mind. He doesn't mind at all.

Kisses, light like feathers, are placed on her closed eyelids, wet lashes, rosy cheeks and trembling lips. Rowena sniffs and Sam almost laughs at how adorable she looks, calming down and finding warmth and comfort in his arms, nosing his neck and closing her eyes once again, faint smile appearing in the corner of her lips.

Gentle hands rub circles on her back, fingers finding all the tense spots. Rowena sighs, her face now flustered when Sam rests his hands on her hips and then bare thighs. She takes the initiative, turns her face and kisses him, arms quickly sneaking around his neck.

There's rustle of clothes, zips and buttons. Damp hair sticking to foreheads and arms when Rowena sinks onto him, his hands guiding her gently, keeping her steady and firm. Missed kisses, in the corners of their mouths, cheeks, jawlines and necks, as if they're trying to melt into one body since they already share one soul.

There are are tears again. Sam can taste them.

And he doesn't mind.


	12. Samwena Smut I.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First smut, not written by me.  
Credit goes to @rowenassam on Twitter

Sam smiles and looks at her. Here she is, relaxed and at peace. He can basically feel that flirty, lingering gaze on him, on his arms and hands when he moves to refill her glass with expensive, red wine.

Her lips are red too. Rowena’s eyeshadow is red, with blended black in the crease, making her eyes look bigger and their color more prominent. If Sam was to sit here and get to look at her for the rest of the eternity, he would be the happiest man alive.

He already is. He is the happiest when she flashes him a smile, bats her eyes like a cartoon character and stands up, only to take a slow stride into his direction, dark blue night dress rustling between her slim legs and Sam cannot help but think about her in the bed, between the cold, satin sheets and that look she always gives him when she wants him.

And that look is now on her face. It's in her hooded eyes, in the soft curve of her ruby lips and it's in the way she nonchalantly sits onto his lap, her hands already on his broad shoulders. He steadies her, placing one hand on her hip and the second on the small of her back, not breaking the eye contact. She tells him everything he wants to know, not using any words.

_I want you. I want you to touch me. I want you to feel me. I want to feel you._

I need to feel you.

And there's unanswered question of where is this going to go. Sam is torn between throwing everything off the table to lay her down there and feast on her or take it to a bedroom, that's just around the corner.

Before he can do anything, Rowena gets up very quickly, gives him final look of her patience, now blinded by lust and adoration and starts walking into direction of their shared bedroom.

And when the doors close behind Sam, Rowena is all over him in an instant. Her hands already on the hem of his dress shirt, not really caring about popping buttons and Sam's chuckle at her eagerness.

"What's... gotten into... you?" he asks between kisses, still smiling and Rowena whines quietly and breaks the kiss, holding the half opened shirt in her hands, looking into his eyes again.

"I want to collect what you owe me, Samuel.”

When he hears these words, there's no really time for a flashback because Rowena resumes kissing him and almost tears the shirt off him, struggling a little bit with sleeves. She's right, though. Sam owes her. A lot. And if she wants it, she's going to get it. Oh and she is truly going to get it. All of it.

Her silk robe comes off with in a swift motion and then her night dress, pooling around her ankles and she's left in beige lingerie. Sam reaches and pulls out a hair clip from her lazy updo, letting her hair down, curls bouncing, framing her flustered face.

It gets nasty. Straight up nasty. There's a sound that you only hear when someone takes the belt out of their pants, the zip fastener is pushed down and Rowena slides her hand in and Sam gasps. Her touch is too slow, too teasing for his liking but he allows it. She wants it that way, so it's gonna be like this. For now.

But Sam has moments where his patience melts into selfish want of being in the centre of the attention and as much as he wants Rowena to take what she wants, he just can't wait. He can't wait and grips her thighs without much effort, walking in the direction of the bed until he realizes her knees aren’t hitting the mattress and he’s so distracted he almost misses the spot.

It's Rowena's turn to chuckle when Sam nests her on his crotch, both of them immediately sighing at the feel of pressure and friction. They're like this for a minute, maybe even two. Messy kisses, forceful grips on heated flesh and Sam gets even _more_ impatient. He flips Rowena and pins her beneath him, caging inside of his arms. Everything seemed so fast, rapid and way out of line just few seconds ago and now she's just staring at him, his hair tickling her face, her hand caressing his cheek, as if everything, including time, has stopped.

Thump, thump, thump. Two hearts, beating, synchronizing.

There's movement again and a broken moan when lips touch the skin of the neck, beige long forgotten, only porcelain underneath his strong and calloused hands. There's white, pink, redness on her cheeks and knees and Sam melts again, convincing himself she shouldn't look so adorable like this. He moves down, little lower than her breasts and slips hands between her softest part and she gasps, fisting satin in her hands.

"S-Sam-" Oh, _there she is_, he thinks. Her facade of domineering woman disappears in an instant when his fingers start working magic.

The real one.

Tears of frustration (because it takes too slow) well underneath Rowena's eyelids and she almost says something but then Sam goes deeper - much deeper and she goes there with him. She's floating right now and they just started. She's not here.

Her eyes search for his gaze, looking for some sort of reassuring gesture and maybe even a simple “Yes.” One word that would allow her to let go. Sam just bends and kisses her, slipping free hand under her back, bringing her into him. It's like an ocean, it comes in big wave and leaves smoothly, rising and lowering, calming with each second.

There's warmth, pooling in Rowena's stomach, spreading like a fire throughout her whole body. Sam must've felt everything with her because he is bare, just like her, in a second and hovering over her, hands on her wrists, above her hair. Satin annoys him a little bit with how sticky it can get but it doesn't matter anymore, everything suddenly disappears when he slips into her with ease, her moan making him shiver and hold back from gripping her hips and slamming into her at full force.

They catch a rhythm after a few moments, two bodies moving in unison, hips pushing upwards, needy whines and wandering hands, tears of pleasure and frustration leaking from the corners of her eyes. Her lipstick is smudged beyond repair and when Rowena takes a quick look at Sam, she notices his lips are swollen and all red but he is too invested in bringing her over the edge again to even pay attention.

And there she is again, on the edge, almost tipping over, so _very_ ready to drown. Waves disappear, she feels the storm coming and she shakes a little bit, clenching, trying to move again but she's so spent already, so careless, so free.

Sam holds her hands, kisses her, drowning with her, letting her collect all the treasure in the depths of the endless oceans and when the storm is finally over, they take a breath, resurface and hope with all their might that there's going to be another kind of treasure, completely different one, nestled safely in Rowena's body, just underneath Sam's hand on her belly.


	13. Samwena Smut II.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has been wanting his entire life. Been wanting things he can't have.  
Now he wants something. He wants Rowena.  
She might be the one thing he CAN have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't write smutty smut. I write soft smut, and this is the first time I've done this.  
YOUR FEEDBACK IS SO VALUED, I SO APPRECIATE IT.

Sam has spent much of his life wanting things he can't have. A mother who isn't dead. A father who isn't dead. A brother who isn't self destructive and doesn't find his release in the bottom of a bottle. His adopted son alive and safe, together with them in the Bunker, hidden away from the world. But if there's one thing he desires more then any of those, it's Rowena Macleod. 

It's not your normal wanting either. It's desire, yearning, a woman who has lived long enough to believe that love is a weakness and she will never love again because no one wants to love a four century old witch with baggage and demons. 

No one except him. 

It's hard to not watch Rowena. Any man with three brain cells could see she was a desirable woman. Red hair that resembled flames, stunning eyes, an aptitude for magic unlike anything he'd ever seen, and a figure that could put any dancer to shame... He didn't even want to begin thinking about the way her hips would fit in his hands _so well. _

Dean likes to think that he has some kind of Sam in who Sam is and isn't friends with. After so many years of knowing Rowena and getting to know the woman underneath the facade she so often wore, Sam was done watching and waiting. She had to know how frequently his eyes were on her and not on anyone else. She had to know how he thought of her, _desired _her- 

_Not the time, Sam. _

They're left alone in the Bunker when Dean and Castiel are out on another excursion with Belphegor, who Sam all but demanded leave with the boys because Rowena needed time to be alone and to comprehend what had just happened to her. Sam is once again poised outside of her door with his hand poised to knock. It should not be this difficult. He still can't believe she survived that thing in the cemetery, whatever it was. He's _so _tired. The exhaustion seeps into his bones but at the same time he is alive and desperate- 

"Sam?" 

Crap. There she is. 

Rowena stares up at him through weary green eyes, dressed in a shirt that does absolutely nothing to hide the pale expanse of skin that covers her legs. She's wearing socks, and they're pink, and Sam has never seen anything cuter in his entire life. 

And then he realizes she's wearing his shirt. 

"That's my shirt." 

Her eyes flicker down in what looks to be embarrassment and he's suddenly guilty because she seems to feel so safe enveloped in something that belongs to him, and Sam cannot find it in himself to say anything to her about it. She's fragile and scared and absolutely exhausted, and she deserves better then his incessant questions about _why _she chose to wear his clothes. 

"Dean said the laundry was backed up because it had been Jack's job-" The hall falls quiet. They're both trying to evade the fact that it was only mere days ago that he was kissing her when she asked him to kill her to save the world. The old Sam would've probably done it because he hadn't experienced Lucifer yet, hadn't _lost _and hadn't _loved _in a way that he loved her. "I wanted to feel safe while I slept, and despite this bloody sling," She moved her arm back and forth. "You make me feel safe, Sam." 

He won't deny her that comfort. 

"I need-" 

Because she knows him so well, Rowena opens her door and ushers him inside without a second thought. They're way past the boundaries of friendship now, but there's something in the air that needs to snap. Something electrifying that he wants to act on because the longer that Sam is in the proximity of her, it's getting harder to not tear her clothes off. 

"You have to talk to me Sam." She said softly. "I might be good at alot of things.. but I'm not a mind reader." 

"I can't stop thinking about that kiss." What he doesn't know is that she hasn't stopped thinking about that kiss either. Sam is usually so good with words, but with Rowena everything is so much more difficult because he just wants to do right by her, she is the one thing he cannot and will not screw up. "It made me realize that ife is finite and that when someone wants something, or _someone_, they need to act on it. To not waste time." 

Rowena is keenly listening to him now, eyebrow cocked and arm crossed over her chest with the one in the sling. "We've wasted alot of time, Sam." Then he sees it, in the low glow of the light of the room. That look of pure, raw sex in her eyes. It's intoxicating. "How do you want to make up for it?" 

Sam immediately holds his hands up. He's seen her do this before, using sex as a coping mechanism. He's not about to let her do it mere days after her face to face experience with near death, not on their first night together. "_Ro_, I am not about to do anything you don't want to do. You're injured, and _hurting_.." He says softly, and the lustful look on her face dissipates into one of sadness he knows she's been trying to hide from him. "I love you." 

There it is. 

Rowena takes a step towards him and removes the sling from her arm. It's not bad enough that she has to keep it there, but more of a precaution in case it got worse. Her fingers slowly undo each button of the shirt she wears. "Say that again." His eyes follow the trail of her fingers as more and more skin is gradually exposed, the swell of her breasts rising and falling with each breath as the shirt falls to the floor. Of course she's wearing lingerie. It's not surprising. "Sam, say it _again." _

"I love you." 

Her legs come to settle on either side of his hips, and it takes everything in him to not groan at the friction the pressure of her in his lap creates. His fingers thread into her hair, slowly removing it from its ponytail, while the others hand presses into the small of her back so tightly as her chest is flush against his own. 

She's a mere centimeter away from him. The room is suddenly too hot, the air is electrified and he wants to get away but Rowena is _here _and she _wants _him. Him, with his broken pieces and his darkness and demons and regrets.

Rowena whispers into the depths of his mouth, _"I love you too_." And she is suddenly on him like a drowning woman being pulled back up for air. Fumbling fingers struggle to peel off the tight grey shirt he'd opted to wear that day around the Bunker, tossing the garment across the room without a care in the world. Sam has always fought for control of his own life, but he is more then willing to let Rowena take control for a period of time. He's not sure she wants it though, given that she's injured. Rowena wants to know that she can have control over something that can be good, that can be pure and won't ruin her in the end. 

He's suddenly flat on his back and the world is spinning. Sam arches his hips to allow her to shimmy his pants off, and now there's very little garment between them. He doesn't care about that for a solid thirty seconds because he's too mesmerized by the sight above him. 

Rowena Macleod is poised right where he wants her. Red hair freed from its ponytail, chest heaving to catch her stolen breath, green eyes blown wide with lust and desire and _wanting. _The same wanting he feels for her. 

"Are you alright?" 

She's holding back tears. Whether or not they're happy or sad, he cannot tell. "I haven't done this. Been with a man who wanted me for _me,_ not all the additional things I could give him. I know you haven't done this in so long, and we've wasted _so _much time.. I just want it to be good for you-" 

Mindful of her injury, Sam flips them over and cages her between his arms. "Nothing will be better then me showing you, right now, how much I want you. How I want to be with you." He's nervous, they both are, so it's not surprising that his hands are trembling as she's waiting for him to remove the last of her lingerie. "There's no one else here, Rowena. We could be the only souls in the world right now. Only us." 

Her final surrender is when he gently pins her arms above her and removes the last of her garments. She is finally laid bare to him. Sam gawks because he _can, _because she is the most beautiful thing he's ever laid eyes on and he just wants her to know it. 

His kisses trail from her jaw down the valley of her breath and to her stomach. 

"Sam-" 

They trail lower. 

"_Sam-_" 

"What do you want, Rowena?" 

"I want _you. _Now take your bloody boxers off."

Sam has wanted something for years. He knows the material things he wants: Family, security, a well lived life and a memorable legacy. But the one thing he knows without a doubt is that as he enters Rowena for the first time, he has finally found the home he's been wanting. 

His hands are frantic, kiss heated, desperate to consume her whole because their lives are already so finite and he wants to experience this to its fullest potential the first time. He rolls his hips deep enough for Rowena to gasp into his mouth. They're coming together, breaking apart, coming together- He intends to swallow her whole if it means she'll forget about the demons she's been fighting for four centuries. 

"Sam, I'm so close-" Her voice is raw and eyes hazy with sex, but Sam has never seen her more clearly. He drives himself deeper, hoisting her legs higher over his hip to take advantage of the new angle. The guttural sound that reverberates from her is sinful and he _loves _it. 

Then something crosses his mind, right before he can take her over the edge. Something he's never told her before and she's probably never been told by anyone ever, so he wants to be the first one to say it. 

"You're beautiful, Rowena." 

Watching Rowena come down from an orgasm in the best thing he's ever seen because there's that split second realization of what he's just said, and then he's over stimulating her right where she wants to be touched, and her fingers drag down the sinews of his shoulder blades and they ride down together until they're so spent he has to flip them over to not crush her beneath his weight. 

Rowena cradles her arm over her hip and rests her other hand beneath her head on Sams chest. It's quiet, warm from the afterglow, but neither of them have ever felt safer or more accepted or more _loved _and it might be the best feeling in the world. 

"Would you ever think about it?" 

"About what?" 

"Marrying me." 

Rowena Macleod has wanted more things then her entire life span. A son, a family, a home, a _life_, happiness.. the list just kept going. But when she lifts her head and gazes down at Sam with these giant, shining eyes there are glistening with tears, she knows she's found the one thing she's wanted more then anything else, the one thing no one had given her. 

Love. 

"I'd want nothing more, Samuel." 


	14. Ten Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's made a grave mistake, but it's for her.  
That makes it alright.  
She'll make it alright. 
> 
> Written by @hellkingsam on Twitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, seriously. DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE RUPTURE BECAUSE THERE WILL BE SEVERAL FICS WITH MASSIVE FREAKING SPOILERS.  
[SPOILERS]  
Rowena's third death wrecked me. I have had such a difficult time talking about this because I get that she's not real, but I LOVED her and she FELT real, and that was enough. So uh.. we're having a difficult time coping on my Twitter group chat and are producing happy and sad fics. This one was written by @hellkingsam (who was @rowenassam) and I hope you enjoy it.

Sam looks at his hands.

They're cold. Pale, they seem smaller.

Sam closes his eyes. He opens them after a second.

Sees red. Red all around. Sharp contrast on his skin, his hands sticky. Red soaking into the dirt beneath him. He feels it. It's warm, he can taste it on his tounge and he swallows a gulp in his throat, because it's so unpleasant. Sam closes his eyes again, he opens them again. There's no blood, he's still kneeling on the ground, in the middle of the night, all alone.

And it's not like he needs someone right now. He doesn't. He doesn't need the empty words of pity and mercy. He doesn't need to see Dean's stare and hear him talk about what happened. Talk about it.

Talk about her.

Oh, never in a million years. Sam for sure doesn't need his brother to talk about her. Breathe in, breathe out. And suddenly Sam feels a soft hand on top of his head. His eyes travel up, he sees shoes and the hem of a familiar looking dress. A little up and he freezes, blood again, a big stain in this beautiful material. Up a little bit more, red curls and her face.

Pale. Skin ripped off in some spots. Blood everywhere. White eyes, faint smile on her lips.

"Aren't you happy to see me, Sam?" she asks in a thick Scottish lilt that makes Sam's heart flutter. "Why didn't you rescue me? Why didn't you go back for me? I thought you loved me!"

Panic rises in Sam's throat and he wants to say something, defend himself, tell her he loves her and that he missed her with every fiber of his body but... he can't. Because she's not real. Sam wakes up, sitting up rapidly, sweat thick on his skin. He's in his bed. In his room. In the bunker. It's night, just like in his dream, but there's no dirt under his knees or blood on his hands or Rowena standing in front of him, looking at him with dead, white eyes.

Sam feels sick. Physically sick.

He's been through a lot. Like, literally. He endured a lot of pain. Sometimes, he thought it was the end because it was so unbearable. But Sam survived. He survived Lucifer, two Apocalypses and so many near death situations that he lost count. Not to mention the time he had no soul.

Now, Sam is praying to be dead because every breath is making him choke on air and tears.

Now, Sam feels like a shell of a human.

***

It was predictable. As if she's been waiting for him, for time he would start finally breaking down. Final words, smoke.. and there she is. Billie. Death in flesh, dressed all black, with too many emotions on her face for someone who supposedly feels none.

"Sam Winchester." she says and he thinks he saw a smile, a very sad one, appearing on her lips for a split second. "We meet yet again."

"Yes, we do." Sam nods. "What is it that you want from me?" Sam fights back a snort. Of course she knows. She probably stood, between the trees, watching as the last act of Rowena MacLeod's life closed. So, of course she knows. It would be so stupid if she didn't.

"You're not dead." she nods, her face somehow frozen between amusement and impression. They look into each other's eyes. She is fully aware of what Sam wants and he knows that she knows. They both know. Billie just wants to hear it. She just wants to hear him say it.

"Come on, boy. Spit it out."

"I want Rowena." He says firmly, his tone surprising him. "I want her back."

Billie looks at him, her face expression neutral. "That's a lot, Sam. And it's not something that I'm willing to do. What is dead, should stay dead. You know my rule." Sam nods, yet he is undefeated.

"I know." he replies. "I know that I am asking for a big thing. And I know that what is dead, should stay dead" He takes a deep breath. "But not her. Not Rowena MacLeod." Billie looks down at the floor, arma still folded over her chest and there's a smirk that appears on her lips. Sam is kinda annoyed at her attitude.

"Okay." The answer takes Sam by the surprise. "We're going to Hell, boy. Buckle up."

***

It's cool here. Dark. Shadows everywhere, everyone imprisoned is screaming, trying to beg and argue about their innocence. Hands reaching, eyes glowing in the depths of cells.

Sam remembers when he was here. Remembers when he was even deeper. He remembers all the pain, it's under his skin, it crawls from his brain to heart again and again and again. At first, he thought he was going to go mad. Crazy, lose his sanity. The wall broke and it got even worse. And it's been worse with each passing day. Each passing moment.

"So," Billie begins, getting Sam's attention. "You and Rowena Macleod. Both of you knew this was coming. Her destiny had to fulfilled by you."

The only answer Sam can give is a nod and shaky breath. He doesn't want to talk anymore, he just wants to be over will all of it.

They're now, as it seems, in the darkest pits of Hell. It's unbelievably cold here and Sam can't help but think about Rowena in these conditions. What if she was still alive, barely moving, all her limbs broken, spine snapped and skull fractured, last ounces of life escaping her in short breaths, that she struggles to take. All of this and also cold. _What if she also froze to death?..._

It's too much to think about and Sam closes his eyes. Like a coward.

"We're here." he hear Billie and now he's afraid to look. There is a lot of things he could see.

Rowena's frame is laying on the ground, her dress in shreds, blood around her head, the stab wound like tear in the ground looking at Sam, as if screaming right at him "_Look at what you've done."_

On the other hand, she looks peaceful. As if she's sleeping, dreaming about better times. Billie nods into her direction, making Sam take few steps forward.

"She's alive." Billie claims and Sam feels like flying. "Unconscious right now, but she's going to be just fine. All the souls were removed from her body."

Sam nods. He doesn't quite know what to do but instinct tells him to take off his jacket and wrap it around Rowena's body. So he does that and afterwards, he scoops her up in his arms, giving Billie last thankful glance before they exit the Hell.

When Sam is safe back on the human soil, he kneels, Rowena still in his arms. He listens. Hears her shallow breaths, quick, almost panicking heartbeat. Her skin gaining the vital color back, eyes slowly starting to move beneath her eyelids. "You know the deal." Sam hears suddenly Billie's voice right above his ear. "Ten years. And I'll take you both."

Before he can say something, Billie is gone.

Not that he cares. He doesn't care at all. Everything what matters for now is that Rowena is alive, safe in his arms.

And she's just opened her eyes. She smiles, expression still faint. She's weak, it's understandable. Then, the smile disappears. Sam sees whole range of different emotions on her face in the span of few seconds. Relief, adoration, gratitude, happiness, realization, confusion, sadness and, for a second, anger. Pure rage.

"Sam?" She finally asks and Sam almost sobs at the sound of her voice. "Did you risk your life for me? Did you really go to hell to get me back? Why? _How_?"

Sam is quiet. He doesn't know what to say. He obviously won't speak about the deal. Well, not now, of course. Dumbstruck, confused and angry with himself, Sam opens his mouth and closes it, not sure of his words.

"Sam." Rowena begins, her voice just above the whisper. "Talk to me. Why did you do it?"

Sam takes a deep breath. He has to say something.

"I did it because..." Sam says. His voice didn't even sound remotely like his own. "I'm selfish. I'm selfish. I don't know if you know more selfish person than me when it comes to love" he gulps. "And this selfishness made me do it. It said: You can't live without her by your side. So _do _it. Go back to Hell and bring her back." There's a single tear that escapes Sam's eye and Rowena is quick to catch it with her thumb. "So I did it. I opened Hell again and brought you here." Rowena is just looking at him, crying too, gripping at his shoulders and arms.

"And to be honest, I would do it again even if I'd have to dig up your bones with my bare hands."


	15. Sam's Last Letter to Rowena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam writes a letter, a poem.. whatever you want to call it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a fic last night, hated it, and came up with this idea instead based off a quote from TWD, just paraphrased. Hope you enjoy.

Hey sweetheart, it’s me. It’s been about a week since we lost you.

It seems the only way I am able to cope is by writing my thoughts down on paper.

Thoughts are chaotic, too messy to articulate.

I haven’t known peace since before you left, before you were taken far too soon.

It’s okay though. I’ll be okay. I’ll always be okay.

Loving you was my honor,

my greatest privilege,

and my greatest tragedy.

It’s okay sweetheart. It’s okay.

You were allowed to be afraid.

I know you didn’t want to go. I know you didn’t want to leave me.

But you fought the good fight, and for that, I am proud of you.

You did your part,

You learned how to love again,

and it made you a better person.

You’re a hero. We love you.

_I _love you.

If it’s time for you to go, it’s okay.

Be peaceful.


	16. Rowena's Last Letter to Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Rowena throws herself into Hell, Sam finds a letter containing all the things she was never able to say herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a really hard time writing actual fic for this now... So I came up with this instead. Set after the Rupture.

_ **Sam, ** _

** _If you're reading this... It means my time has finally run out and I'm not where I wish to be, hidden away with you in the Bunker. Don't be sad, Sam. Please don't mourn me. I'm not worthy of the mourning that your oh so compassionate heart will inevitably do whenever I'm gone. _ **

** _I've lived a long and miserable life, Sam. 400 years can do that to a girl. I have lived, I have loved, and I have lost far more then I ever imagined I would. But the person who helped me through all of that, who made all my miserable living worth something? _ **

** _It was you, Samuel. _ **

** _It was you with your giant heart. _ **

** _It was you with your empathy. _ **

** _It was you with your compassion. _ **

** _You really made me wonder how one man can have so much love to give and yet have none for himself. _ **

** _Love was a weakness for most of my life. Love made me conceive Fergus, love left me alone on my birthing bed.. Love made me learn how to hate the world with every piece of me I could give. But the love I saw in you was a good love, a pure love, and I think in the end it made me a better person. That was what I wanted to be. _ **

** _Better. _ **

** _You made me better then I ever could've hoped for, Sam... and that's not something I can ever repay you for. _ **

** _Ah, and that's the other thing. _ **

His tears are smudging the ink at this point. Sam doesn't know how long it's been since she wrote this, but it's the most emotional he's ever received from a very bitter, very fierce, and very beloved redheaded witch. 

_ **I love you. ** _

_ **I ** _ **love _you. _**

** _And I realized it too late. I think it was in the car when we were chasing after the Plum sisters for the Grimoire and ended up conversing about what Lucifer did to the two of us. There was no one else in the world who could understand what I had gone through, what I had endured. And when you snuck me the page from the Grimoire underneath Dean's nose.. That was when I knew I was safest with you, that you'd protect me when no one else was willing. _ **

** _Our time was good, our time wasn't enough... but it's what I'll remember when I'm gone. I want it to be what you remember too. Not about my hands taking the lives of those hunters from the other world,_ **

Sam swallowed the bile in his throat. Even though she'd given Michael possession of her body to protect the lives of everyone who had been living in the Bunker at that point, Rowena had still considered herself at fault for the lost lives of the alternate world hunters. 

** _Not about Lucifer or what he did to us. But those gazes, those touches no one else saw but us, the way I looked at you as if I was just _ ** ** _begging to drown? No one else had that, that was something solely meant for the two of us alone and I hope it was as good for you as it was for me. I'll never know now if we could've been real, or if you felt the same way.. We'll never know. _ **

** _I think that's our greatest tragedy, Samuel. _ **

** _That we fall in love too much, _ **

** _live too little, _ **

** _and in the end... we're both tormented by our loneliness because death remains adamant to tear away the ones we love before we realize we love them. _ **

** _You're going to be okay. You're going to beat Chuck, you and your brother are going to live, and one day when you're older with grey hair and grandchildren, maybe you'll tell the world about a four hundred year old witch you loved and lost, the same witch you never thought would save the world. _ **

** _We leave for the cemetery tomorrow. I don't know what will happen, but whatever does, it'll happen the way it has to. _ **

** _All the best. _ **

** _\- Rowena _ **


	17. Lament to the Broken Warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A poem about our beloved, Sam Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before, I cannot get a grip on writing actual Samwena fic right now, so here's a poem I wrote for my creative writing class about Sam. I hope to post an actual Samwena fic soon that is halfway done. I haven't decided yet. 
> 
> TUMBLR: Morganas-Pendragons (For the Rowena oneshot I just wrote)

_This is for the Broken Warrior._

_The one who has loved,_

_Who has fought every battle imaginable,_

_And has still lost._

_The one with the blood of innocents on his hands,_

_But a list of lives he’s saved etched in his head._

_This is for the Brave Warrior,_

_We applaud your courage._

_This is for the Brave Warrior,_

_We applaud your bravery._

_This is for the Brave Warrior,_

_The one who has saved the world._

_This is for the Brave Warrior,_

_Who keeps on giving when the world does nothing but take._

_This is for the Broken Warrior,_

_For the one you love is no longer with us._

_It’s a tragedy because now you’re alone_

_So tell me, Broken Warrior_

_Who that remains is to save you?_


	18. Weechester II: Mum and Dad

Slowly rolling herself over, the sheets rustled around her frame, Rowena pulls the covers over her exposed shoulder, groaning at autumn’s chilly presence. It's when she reaches out seeking the warmth of her husband that Rowena finds his presence missing. 

One eyes opens, followed by the other and Rowena recognizes a dim yellow light coming through the bedroom door that has been cracked open at some point during this night when Sam left the bed. Rowena closes her eyes again, pondering exactly what she was supposed to do. The softness of the mattress, pillows and sheets is comforting and relaxing for her aching, pregnant body but when she stretches out her fingers across the spot where Sam should be laying next to her, a heavy sigh escapes her lips and she pushes back the comforter to stand. Rowena grimaces when her bare feet touch the floor, hand already reaching for the soft, fluffy robe that she left at the end of the bed.

With some painstaking effort, Rowena eases herself from the bed and ties the robe around her, rubbing her hands over her eyes that are still clouded with sleep. She follows the soft light under the assumption it would take her directly to who she was seeking. 

Rowena appears in the Library's doorway, her gaze immediately finding a person that she's been looking for. Sam is hunched over the table, various books under his focused, and even somehow nervous gaze. It's clear he's intimidated and somehow _frightened _by the material spread out before him. 

She leans against the frame of the doorway, still gazing at Sam who remained oblivious to her presence. He looks tired, huffs of disappointment leave his lips, the ever-so-infamous "_This is useless."_ expression appearing on his handsome features.

"Sam?" Rowena decides to speak up, voice hoarse with sleep. She immediately catches his attention, sees as the panic appears in his eyes and he shuts all the books on the table as quickly as he can. It takes him another minute to flip them all over to hide the cover art and titles from her. "Are you okay?"

"What?- Yeah, yeah. Just got distracted." His tone is awkward, eyes running away from Rowena's curious gaze. "Are you okay? You should be resting." A light, seemingly forced smile appears on his lips for a second and his eyes fall on Rowena's stomach.

Rowena maneuvers down the steps, walking slowly into Sam's direction until she was able to come near the table and lean her weight against it. It was becoming more and more difficult to stand for long periods of time. 

"I'm fine." She replies. "It's you that should be resting. For almost a week now you've been reading all hours of the night, Sam. It's unhealthy."

Sam sighs and lets airout of his lungs. He looks nervously at books, some of them stacked together, and swallows harshly.

"I'm just..." He begins, desperate to find the proper words. His sentence comes up empty but somehow Sam manages to keep talking. "Nervous. Not sure. Full of doubt." Rowena remains silent as her fingers trail up his arm and curve against his cheek. "These books..." Now he's very hesitant to continue. "They are about parenting. And pregnancy." Sam says and flips one of them to reveal some typical parenting guide book title and laughs under his nose. This laugh isn't really endearing. It's dry, even say, mocking.

"Talk to me, Sam." Rowena insists in the middle of sitting down on his lap, his arms extending to hold her closer. "What are you afraid of, hm? What fills you with such doubt in yourself?"

"I don't know, honestly." He shakes his head after a moment of silence. "I'm sure I'm not going to be the same as my father but.... I just can't help but think about all the possibilities that may happen" Sam grimaces once again. Rowena strokes his hair gently, fingers tangled in his locks, her gaze patient, compassionate and waiting for him to continue his monologue at his own pace. "What if our baby ends up just like me? Spending childhood in crappy motels, eating cheap food and forced to be an adult at barely fourteen?" He looks up at her, their stares locking for the first time since this conversation started. Rowena sees how serious he is, sorrow and doubt pooling in tears at the corners of his eyes, expression pained. She runs a soft hand over his cheek and presses their foreheads together.

"Sam." she begins softly, her voice just above the whisper. "We both know it's not going to happen. Never in a million years... I understand you, I understand why you think like this" the tip of his nose touches hers and he smiles faintly, his hands bringing her closer.

"I just..." he whispers. "I'm so confused about all of this."

"Do you remember how I thought that I don't deserve to be a mother again?" Rowena says and Sam nods, gulping, remembering those heartbreaking moments when Rowena cried in his eyes, feeling unworthy of his love and not even thinking of being worthy to have a full family again. "Well, here we are" she takes his hands and puts it on ber belly, soft roundness making his heart melt. "You proved to me that I deserve to have another baby. Just as much as you deserve to have your chance to be an amazing father" Rowena nods her head. "And I'm sure you'll be one" His big, warm hand on her body pulls a faint reaction from the little one that's resting inside of Rowena's womb, safely nestled. Sam chuckles when he feels the gentle flutter beneath his hand. "See?" Rowena raises her eyebrows, cracking a smile.

"Even the Wee-chester agrees."

Sam frowns and smiles, previous negative feelings slowly fading when he stares into his wife's eyes, full of admiration and gentleness. "What did you just call our baby?" Rowena laughs at his question, her shoulders shaking as she leans more into Sam, laughter slowly fading, leaving a smile on her lips and she kisses him, gently, trying to say something that she isn't able to express with words. They break the kiss and there's a moment of pleasant silence for a minute or two, Rowena still on Sam's lap, one of his hands on the small of her back, the other resting on her belly. Sam smiles whenever he feels the familiar flutter beneath his fingers or palm, the awareness of his child calming him in some manner, making his mind wander and imagine how their baby will look like and who they will be when they grow up.

They go back to bed, Sam immediately pulling Rowena close, at least one hand still resting on the bump, softness in his eyes when he looks at his wife that says: "I love you, Sam. With everything I have left in me." She whispers. "And I'm sure our baby loves you too because they already know you'll be the best father they could have." 


	19. To Build A Home (Aunt Rowena)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowena's niece finds her packing Sam's things and decided to comfort her aunt by telling her what she learned about TFW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a little bit less painful? Done. This prompt is loosely based off of a future conversation I will be having at the end of my Castiel/OC fic in which Rowena tells her goddaughter about TFW 2.0 in what I'd LIKE to be the canon way in which the show ends. 
> 
> It probably won't happen, but a girl can dream can't she?  
COMMENTS ARE SO VALUED.
> 
> DEDICATED TO @JENMlSHALECKI ON TWITTER

Babysitting. The girl is five years old, she's rather intelligent and listens to what she has to say. Rowena can do this, she _has _to do this. The angel and his wife would've wanted her to do this for them. It's the very least she can do after they saved her life. 

"Auntie Rowena?" A tiny little voice calls out from between pillars of high cardboard boxes, many of which are labeled in _**Garage **_or _**Bedroom **_and halfway packed with things that had belonged to Dean and Sam Winchester. It's been well over a year since the brothers and their angel died to save the world, and Rowena made a promise to a dying mother and wife that she would take care of her daughter. That's what she intends on doing. "What are you doing?" 

Rowena turns away from the pile of Sam's things before her to regard the little girl, who is _supposed _to be asleep with her cousin in their shared bedroom. Catriona and Claire were only a couple of years apart in age and acted more like sisters, but Claire was part angel and more then aware of what she'd lost. The only problem with her seemingly infinite memory was that Castiel's last act as a father had been to wipe his daughter's memory of watching her mother and father die before her eyes. 

"I'm packing your uncles things, dearie." She was supposed to be in Hell, sitting on that throne and honoring her son's legacy. That was what Billie had brought her back to life for, that was her _purpose_, but yet here she was in a Bunker in Kansas doing the exact opposite. She was being a mother, being a parent, _raising _two little girls who were legacies of remarkable men. "Are you okay?" 

She looks so much like Castiel it's absurd, but Claire maneuvers through the mass of boxes in the War Room and sits herself down on the stairs that lead to the Library. "Mommy used to say I could feel peoples emotions. I woke up because I felt yours." Wide blue eyes lift to meet her own, and Rowena stiffens when she feels another wave of tears threaten to escape her eyes. She can't cry in front of her niece, she _can't_ \- "You miss them. You miss _him_. Uncle Sammy." 

The wedding band on her finger confirms the little girls suspicions. 

"More then you realize, wee one." Rowena replied softly. She turned away from the items on the table and moved to the front of the Library to sit beside Claire. "But when your- _our _family died, I made them a promise that I'd give up my Throne to raise you and Catriona. That's what I'm gonna do." She can't dare tear her eyes from the child because if she does, she'll look around the Bunker and relive everything she ever did with Sam. Rowena can feel him. She can _see _him standing there with the biggest grin because she was terrified of being a mother, of failing her girls, and Sam had reaffirmed to her that she'd be better to them then she was to Crowley. He'd told her she'd be a good mother, that she'd love them enough for them both, and then he died.

And she was still here. 

A tragedy really.

A little hand slipped into her own, followed by another, and Claire nuzzled into her aunts chest. "I know you're sad, and I know you miss him." She said softly. "I miss Daddy and Mommy too. I don't remember them very much, but they were nice." Rowena can't help but smile because here is this little girl cradled in her arms who is trying to make her feel better, and it's working. "Daddy used to sing to me when I was sad. Mommy liked to play outside. She said the Earth was the most beautiful thing in the universe, and then she'd look at Daddy and I knew she was talking about him." 

Claire's mother had loved Castiel more then she'd loved herself, and that was what had ended her. She'd also known Rowena had loved her like a sister, had loved her daughter, and had trusted her to raise Claire the way she believed that they would. 

"Uncle Dean used to let me listen to music, and Uncle Sammy used to tell me stories about how he met you." Rowena buried her face in the little girls dark hair and allowed her to keep talking. "He said you didn't like each other, and then you died, and he said it broke his heart. I don't know how your heart can break when it's in your chest-" Claire smiled as she clutched her white teddy bear with the white wings and a little halo to her chest. "Uncle Sammy said he'd never seen anyone more beautiful then Rowena Mac Loud." 

"Macleod." 

She rose a tiny eyebrow and turned her head. "Hm?" 

"Well, actually.. It's Winchester," The name sounds so foreign on her tongue but at the same time, Rowena Macleod-Winchester sounded so.. _right. _"Your Uncle Sammy was right, Claire." She stroked her fingers through her hair and slowly exhaled through pursed lips. "I'm old, dearie. Very old. I never thought I could be a Mommy again, or fall in love, but your Uncle Sammy stole me and I stole him. He was the only one who knew who I was, who knew _me_, and I fell in love with him. Very hard." 

"Did you fall on your face?" 

Laughter echos in the otherwise empty Bunker. "Something like that." Claire turns her body in Rowenas arms and sighs deeply before burying her face in her neck. "I have an idea. Why don't I make you a glass of milk and then I'll tell you a story before we go back to bed? I'm sure your cousin is looking for you." 

"What's the story gonna be about?" She asked. "Princesses? Dragons? Ghosts? Demons? Angels? Big Brother Jack?" 

After the brothers and Castiel had died along with Castiel's wife, Jack had been made interim Ruler of Heaven. Castiel had once said that Heaven needed to be ruled by a ''screw up'' and who better to take the Throne then the abomination? 

He brought the girls candy when he visited and played tea-party, dressed in sunhat and scarf in all, and carried them both to bed when they fell asleep watching his favorite movies. He was the best brother Rowena could've asked for her girls. 

Rowena made herself a cup of tea and warmed a glass of milk for the little girl, setting her in the chair across from her before they were sitting down and staring at each other very intently. "Well," She said. "I think I'm going to tell you a story. It's quite a good one. One of my favorites." 

Claire's eyes lit up over the rim of her cup. 

"It's about monsters," 

She looked so much like her departed best friend it made her heart ache. 

"Demons,"

She was the future of hunters everywhere. 

"Angels," 

Rowena hoped Castiel would be proud of the way she was raising his daughter. 

"Humans, two Nephilim, and a witch looking for redemption." 

Claire put her empty glass down and yawned. "What-" She asked, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "What's the story called?" 

She paused to allow herself to immerse into her favorite memory. Her little family, though broken, gathered together for breakfast in this very room. She'd been heavily pregnant at the time with Catriona, and Sam had been alot more clingy then usual, but there was no shortage of joy when Dean taught Jack how to make bacon cooked right or how Castiel had become so _human _that he wanted nothing more then to hide away with his wife in their room and sleep all day. They cradled Claire between them, mother and father nuzzling their daughter until she laughed so much she cried. 

"It's a story about Team Free Will.'' Rowena turned her eyes to Claire who had her hands tucked beneath her head and was in the throes of fighting between being awake and sleeping. "About a family who loved each other, who died for each other, and who will live on forever in the eyes of their legacies.. Catriona Macleod and Claire Charlotte Novak." 

She tucked the little girl in the bed opposite her own daughter and pressed a kiss to her brow. 

"Sleep well, wee one. You have an angel watching over you."


	20. Samwena + Beard!Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowena trims Sam's beard and tells him a tale of the hunter and the witch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts since September. I'm glad I'm finally posting it. Enjoy!  
Written by @jaimeofoldstone on twitter - my fan account - feel free to follow it!

"Sam, I am extremely tired of kissing a bush. At least let me trim it."

Sam wiggled his eyebrows provocatively as Rowena moved toward the bathroom closet. He'd recently come back home from the search for Michael with a dislocated shoulder, which had inhibited him from doing pretty much anything.

''That's not what you said last night."

Rowena whipped around and pointed the scissors at him. "Sit yourself down, Moose."

"Yes ma'am."

She emerged from the bathroom with a variation of Sam's extensive hair care supply and set it down at various corners of the sink as Sam sank into the chair she'd placed in front of the sink. Rowena tentatively ran her fingers through his hair as Sam adjusted himself and laid his head on the top of the chair, sighing deeply as she began massaging shampoo through his roots. He hadn't washed his hair since being injured and given how stressed he was, Rowena was planning on pampering him.

And if that included the hottest sex she'd ever had, it was worth it.

"Tell me a story, Ro."

Rowena smiled as she wrung the suds from his hair and watched it disappear down the drain. Her fingers danced around the nape of his neck, lightly scratching the bottom of his skull as she went. Sam's body went totally lax in the midst of her ministrations.

"What kind of story, Samuel?"

"Ours."

Ah, that one was her favorite.

"That's a good one. 'M favorite." She curved around the chair after laying the towel across his shoulders and slowly sank into his lap, guiding his good hand outward to grasp the curve of her hip. It had taken the two of them a considerable amount of time to learn to accept touch from one another after everything Lucifer had put them through. He'd shied away from it, and she'd rejected it. Now they craved it. Cherished it. "Where do you want me to start?"

Sam opened one eye as she ran her fingers through his beard. "Doesn't ever good story start at the beginning?"

_Snip_. "Once upon a time, there was a centuries old witch and a hunter. Legend had it that the hunters and the witches despised one another and spent decades trying to kill each other so that way the world was a little bit safer at night. From who though, they never said. When the centuries old witch who happened to be one of the hottest witches in her coven met the ruggedly handsome hunter, they despised each other." A low groan reverberated in the back of Sams throat as she lightly rolled her hips against his own.

"Rowena-"

She placed a single finger on his lips and continued trimming the beard. "The centuries old witch discovered something remarkable very early on in her relationship with the hunter, despite the fact they were enemies. He knew the man who she believed to be her son, a demon who ruled Hell named Crowley. They spent the next six years playing their favorite game of Who Can Murder You Faster, and the hunter was the mediator between the two." Sam snorted indignantly but made no move to silence Rowena even as she leaned over his shoulder to grab the beard conditioner. "The demon was a fool."

"But he was your fool."

_Aye, that he was._

Rowena rubbed her palms together and began massaging the conditioner through his neatly trimmed beard. It would've been a lie to say she hadn't drooled the first time she'd seen it when he'd called her just a few days after Michael had taken Dean for a joyride; Sam had been so wrapped up in his grief of losing his brother to the Archangel that he'd basically neglected any proper form of hygiene or self care for nearly a week before she'd put her foot down and ended it as quick as it began.

“Then the witch was killed by the Devil twice. The second time was worse. Classic tragic ending, right? Except this witch was clever, she had a resurrection spell hidden inside of her. She was prepared to die.” Sam went silent as she leaned back to inspect her handiwork. “The only problem was, she realized she was in love with the hunter. She told Death to take her, and when it came, she begged to be left because she didn’t want to leave the hunter behind.”

Sam stiffened beneath her. Rowena had never told him that was when she realized she loved him, the moments after Lucifer left her on that floor to suffer in silence. She didn’t focus on the anguish or the agonizing pain, but she thought about him.

And that somehow made it bearable.

"Fast forward about a year." Sam's beard conditioner required a minute to sit before being rinsed, so she sat back in his lap and took his other hand to rest against the divot where her hipbone jutted out. The pads of his thumbs began kneading her heated skin as Rowena continued. What made it all the more distracting was the _smirk _he wore - that one of mischief and pride that made her want to rip his clothes off - as she tried, and failed, to make a coherent sentence. ''That same witch comes back, finds out about her son's heroic act of valor to save her hunter in her absence, and embarks on a path to redemption to be better." 

Rowena counted to one hundred and twenty before she stood back up again and spread the towel across Sam's chest, cupping warm water in her hand to rinse the conditioner from his beard. Green eyes studied her every movement, counting the smattering of freckles on her nose and the curve of her smile as she turned back to him and began drying his beard. 

Sam caught her hands in his own and urged her to sit back in his lap. 

"That hunter has only known love once in his life, before the witch came around. A beautiful girl in a life he couldn't have," Rowena sighed as Sam sat up straight, mindful of his injury, and bent his head low enough to leave open mouthed kisses on the column of her throat. "And when the witch died the second time, he was devastated. The hunter's brother couldn't know though. He couldn't know his brother had fallen in love with someone who was supposed to be their enemy. But she was gone, she was _gone, _and he was still here. A tragedy." 

Sam focused in on the spot just below her ear and lightly sucked on the skin there, hand splayed across the small of her back to push Rowena just close enough that they were practically chest to chest. After a solid minute, he began sucking hard enough that she _trembled _beneath him, and then when his teeth began their work, she was writhing. 

"_Sam-" _

"Here's the short version of the ending." He whispered. Rowena panted quietly as his hands snaked beneath her shirt, curling around her ribs, thumbs tracing the outline of the scarlet lace bra she'd chosen to wear that morning. "The witch came back, she and the hunter confessed their love over a _load _of alcohol, and after the hunter's brother walked in on them making out after they came back from an alternate universe where the Devil resurrected the hunter, they weren't afraid to let other people see how they felt about each other. Because when no one else was there,''

The soft _clink _of her bra clasp coming undone echoed in the empty bathroom. 

"When their nightmares became too much to bear and the dark felt overbearing," 

Sam wrapped his hands underneath Rowenas thighs and carried her back into their joint bedroom. It was still mostly bear, as simplicity was Sam's style, but there were more pictures around the room then there had been when she moved in. Rowena's clothes had made their way into the closet. Her shoes were neatly organized with his own, spell books and ingredients tucked away in a ornamental box Sam had bought specifically for the occasion. Her makeup and lipstick was all in the corner scattered across the vanity.

It wasn't _his _or _hers _anymore. It was _theirs. _

_"_They were there for each other. They loved each other, and in that moment," He very slowly laid her back on the bed and crawled over Rowena until she was pinned beneath his legs. The two of them stared at each other for several moments. It had been centuries since Rowena had seen someone look at her with so much longing, so much love, so much _adoration _in their gaze. She'd spent many a nights dreaming about meeting that man. The one man in the world worthy of her time, her love, and the only one willing to mend a heart that had been bleeding for centuries. "It was enough." 

She lifted her head and nuzzled his jaw. Sam had kept the beard for that sole reason alone. Rowena didn't just like it because it made him look better. 

"Sam?" 

He leaned back in until the were nose to nose. "Yeah Ro." And then he smiled. When Sam smiles.. the world gets a little bit brighter. 

"_I love you." _

_***_

Dean found him the next morning looking all the part of someone who spent half his night having sex. 

He casually sipped over the rim of his coffee cup. "You put that beard to good use?" 

Sam's chest puffed out, and the brothers smiled at each other. 

"You better believe I did." 


	21. You Were Here, and Then You Weren't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam sees Rowena in every detail of life after she's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's changed her @ again, but this was written by @vintagerowena who was originally @hellkingsam - I promise it's all the same person. Thank you for the kudos, as usual, and I promise I'll eventually get something up and written for Samwena but I am having such a difficult time writing for Rowena since watching 15x06... *sigh* It'll come, I promise.
> 
> \- K

For some reason, you left some lights on. One in the bathroom, just above the mirror. The second one, right next to your bed, on a cluttered nightstand. Still fresh roses in the vase. I added a little bit of water, let them live longer.

You made your bed though. Neat sheets, big pillows with soft blankets. Bottles of perfume, palettes and little tubes of various make-up products on your vanity, organized ans put aside. Hair clips, ties and ribbons in one place, looking right back at me, as if sharing memories of being once in your hair, just like my fingers and lips.

Your dresses look like new. Sweaters, blouses and t-shirts folded, all clean and soft. Shoes put in rows, by color, some of them vibrant and shining. Everything smells like you. Everything is pristine, as if no one never lived here.

The books are the only things that look old. Some of them are barely living, barely standing upright, kept together tightly on a bookshelf.

The rug and the armchair in your living room remind me of the time you brought me here, sat down and tried to somehow make things right. It obviously didn't work. You weren't thinking straight and I cannot blame you, not now and not ever. You did everything you could to get your loved one back and I know if I was in your shoes, I would do the same.

If I had any chance.

There are still bottles of alcohol, your favourite whiskey next to your favourite glass. Some magazines on the coffee table, more flowers in the vases and even older, much older books.

There you are. In everything. In every single detail.

You're in the mirror, staring right back at me. You're in my hands, when I touch one of your coats. You're in the books, in the little of the dust that's covering them. My eyes can still make out the shape of your head on the pillows, I hear your steps as you approach me in my mind. You're even in that damn empty glass, little bit of your smudged lipstick still visible on the edge.

You're in my lungs, whenever I take a breath.

You're everywhere, even if I close my eyes, I see you.

Only you.

Because it's always been only you.


	22. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They define salvation as so: preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss.   
Rowena's life is a mixture of all three. Even as she sits in Hell, she realizes no one is coming to save her.   
There is no salvation where she lays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. This is the darkest thing that's been written on here so far, but it's very well done. Also written by @vintagerowena on Twitter, but I read this twice before posting it because it's... sad. It's depressing, but it hits hard. Heed my warning, okay?

Time slowed down. 

At this point, I'm afraid it doesn't exist anymore. Yet, all I do here is wait. Nothing else. At first, it was incredibly annoying of course. 

How long can you wait for a salvation? Then I realized that salvation won't come. I started counting tears that escaped and the ghosts that came to feed on my soul. I started counting them too, smiling when I forgot the number and had to start all over again. But then, it got annoying too. 

So I laid there. On the stones, fire burning through them, touching my skin, teasing with the laughter of the demons dancing around me. 

I started thinking about you, Sam. I still felt your hand on my back, strong arms around me and heard your calming voice that let my mind wander through time, back to you. At times, I felt as if I connected with you again. 

I would scream your name again but my voice is broken from the pain I endured. Lucky me that I don't feel anything anymore. 

Yet, my eyes snap open when you lock your gaze with somebody else. I feel it, I feel the hope in your heart. 

And yet, my fingers move when you grab hand of somebody else. I sense it, I sense the comfort she gives you, the comfort that you seek. 

I breathe for the last time, when you kiss somebody else. I feel it, Sam, I feel the happiness running through your veins. It's faint but it's there and if you could see me, you'd know I found peace knowing that you're happy again.

Yet in the middle of hellfires, my body grows cold, just like our love, when you're intertwining your soul with somebody else. 

Time stops. 

There is no more pain.


	23. Darling, Come Home To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam makes a discovery when he, Dean and Castiel go to Hell in search of Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS!!!!!!!  
This has MASSIVE 15x08 spoilers, so PLEASE do not read if you haven't seen it!! This episode was FANTASTIC and got me back on the Samwena train, so HERE WE GO!!!
> 
> Written by @jaimeofoldstone on Twitter!

He can't breathe. He knows where he is, he knows it's Dean and Castiel on either side of him, but Sam _cannot _breathe. Why did this have to happen _now? _Why, after all the time he'd spent trying to get over her, to move on from her? All the nights he'd wept over the grave he dug in front of the Bunker, and how he'd sobbed when he was alone in her apartment after they'd gotten rid of the witches who wanted her things. The same witches who wanted to _taint _her memory by destroying everything she was. 

"_Hello boys." _

Sam has had this hallucination before. He was so sure it had _stopped_, but with all the internal torment that came from God's bullet wound, nothing had been easy for him since. His fractured mind would be the end of him. He wanted to go home, back to Eileen, back to his _life_. 

But his _life _was standing in front of him, dressed in that same deep red that had soon become his favorite color, and staring at him with such _awe _that it made him nauseous. 

Gods, he loved her. Even after all the time he'd spent trying to move on, to forget about this _connection _they'd had, whatever had snapped when she threw herself into that Rupture was mended just by looking at her. She was beautiful. Beautiful, dead, but _so _alive. He was so tired, he just wanted to _hold _her- Sam loved her and had _killed _her, and still Rowena was looking at him like he was the only person she saw. Like he hadn't driven that knife into her stomach or had her blood on his hands.

Sam couldn't pay attention to the task at hand when she lead himself, Dean and Castiel into the Throne Room to talk about Michael and Chuck and everything she had missed since being down here. His hands shook as he refilled her glass and brought it back to her at the foot of her throne. _This _was what she had wanted: A throne, a

kingdom, and a Queensguard. Rowena had wanted _power _since the day she was born. 

And now she had it. _Real _power. Power that made her subjects tremble at her feet. 

The boys left first, but Rowena seemed to know that Sam would linger behind. His feet were firmly planted in place, trembling fingers flexing at his sides as he struggled for the words to speak - some semblance of an apology - but as always, she beat him to it. She understood him better probably then anyone else he'd ever met in his life. 

"Samuel." Her voice whispered in his ear. Sam waited for her to touch him, a gentle brush of fingers against his skin. Everything she did with him was so much gentler then the way she approached the world. He waited, eyes screwed shut, for the blow that would crush his heart more then it had been when she had died. "Sam, I-"

Her fingers went right through his chin the same way Eileen's had before he'd used that spell to bring her back. The same spell he could've used on her if he'd known she was _here. _

_"Hey." _Her breath caught in her throat as he smiled and laughed quietly under his breath. Rowena saw the obvious despair lingering in his eyes and wished she could kiss his pain away the same way he would've done to her if he'd found her down here. "You don't have to say anything. I already know. I think I always did. Did-" 

"Yes." She breathed. "I did too." 

He leaves Hell with a newfound sense of strength and a bit of swagger in his step. Rowena watches him go because she can, because she knows and he knows too and nothing has ever given her more of a sense of purpose then Sam Winchester's heart. 

God has no idea what's in store for him. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written by @vintagerowena on Twitter, comments on this one and the previous are so appreciated!

You thought dead of me. I cannot blame you. It felt as if my body really hit the ground, bones cracked and blood spilled around me, like an ocean. You cried into your hands, tastes the saltiness of the tears on your tongue and choked on them.

Yet again, I cannot blame you.

You threw yourself into hunting. Into helping people, into trying to fix things. You tried so desperately to fix all the bad things in the world, Sam. But I am here to tell you: the world doesn't work like that. It's been hours for me since you wandered through my place. For you, it's been days.

Here you are, holding her again in your arms, her skin wet against your clothes and I'm glad. I'm pleased that the spell worked and that you can be happy again, for once. For some little moments.

Yet, you still think about me. When you hold my books in your hands, lungs filled with my smell, your mind hazy with the sorrow that makes your soul so heavy. Your lips curve into a smile.

You miss me. You talk about me. You wish for me, you wish I was there with you, you wish I held your hand again, you wish. You only wish, because you think I'm dead.

Yet, I'm still alive, Samuel. I'm still, so very, alive and I'm waiting here for you, because I know that we're going to meet again.


	25. Not Who You'd Thought It'd Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by @boykingsam on twitter

_and you realize the one person in the world who loves you_

_ isn’t the one you thought it would be_

_ R.S._

It felt so good to see you again. 

With your big eyes and fear on your face, standing numbly in front of me. I could see your soul, all of it. Relief, happiness, reality, weird sensation of unexplainable pain, sadness, euphoria and confusion hit you all at once when you looked into my eyes.

And your eyes betrayed you, Sam. 

Last time I saw them, they were full of tears, your hands were in blood and you were dying and I couldn't do anything, because it was you that killed me and it was meant to be that way. You killed me. 

And yet, I am alive, despite all of it. 

And then, seeing your face in the darkness of Hell, feeling the heat of fires, made me realize you were the one to love for me. You were and are the one to yearn for, to dream, cry and think about. You are the one. 

It made me realize you were here all along. The God, as evil as he is, he put us where we are. Firstly, at the beginning of the path, wanting to see if we're going to walk or run. Or maybe even crawl. 

I never thought I would see the love you found in me and I never thought I would see the love I found in you, in your eyes, so bright it blinds me and now I know that I didn't die just because my magic and destiny saved me. Just because I became someone new and someone who I should be. 

I didn't die because of you, Samuel. You couldn't let go. You couldn't understand why you and me, why us. The book wrote the ending itself and yet, you decided to rip out few pages from the middle of it. And I guess, I got to be thankful. 

I feel the life for the very first time, love in my arms and sun in my eyes. And you, by my side, not letting go, your hand as cold as mine, eyes empty and smile on your face, as you look at me, forgetting your whole life, holding me close to your dead heart and knowing forever means just the two of us.


End file.
